Our beautiful daughter Emersyn Paige passed away from SMA Type 1 on April 7th,2009 at the age of 7 months old. This blog is dedicated to her life, legacy and spirit and our journey as a family through grief.

Monday, September 16, 2019

Happy 11th Birthday Emersyn

September 16th 2008 is your day Emersyn. Today represents the sacred day you were born and a day I will never forget. I can recall every detail of that day and the transformation that I felt meeting you for the first time. I remember my 22 hour labour and look back on this as the most sacred experience of my life. You would be 11 years old today and in Grade 6 and no doubt an amazing girl with a magnetic spirit and dreams bigger than I could fathom. Some may wonder why 11 years later I still write to you on your birthday but you know it is a not a choice it is a fundamental need I have to connect with you and share your legacy.

At every birthday celebration I go to I think of how you only had one when you were 5 months old when we decided to have a big party for you. After you were diagnosed with SMA at 4 months old we did not know how long we would have with you. We marked each day and month with mindful gratitude amidst the sorrow of your diagnosis. I felt like I could conquer anything the day you were born and I remember feeling like the rest of me was born that day along with you. Bursting with pride and hope we brought you home our perfect  baby girl and we could not wait for our friends and family to meet this incredible little human and the best part of ourselves. Just like that feeling of wanting to share you with everyone then I still have that desire to share you with the world so here I am on your birthday like I do each year sharing you.

I share you through the lessons you continue to teach me and I reflect on the way I have changed. At 42 I feel very different than I did at 31 but what has not changed is the love and empathy you rooted deep within me. When I find myself getting caught up in the day to day schedule I stop, close my eyes take a deep breath and ground myself with you. In a time of technology overload, social media saturation and less face to face time with each other I think about those 7 months with you. We were tuned into you and our family and friends on a sacred level of connection that we will never forget.

Humans are meant to be together and you taught us that ten fold. We may travel the world in search of new places, things to see and people to meet but nothing will compare to being tucked away at home with you watching the snow fall and feeling your warm snuggles and chubby hands holding ours. You grounded us in a love and mindfulness that I strive to feel at that level again in a world where we need it more now than ever.

May your life, legacy and spirit continue to be that grounding force for us and others who may need it in their journey. You taught us that we didn't have to be anywhere special to feel love, connection and peace we only had to be together. Today as we always do Isla, Callum, Daddy and I will be together and remember the amazing day you were born. We still cannot believe you were born 11 years ago as it felt like yesterday I was calling daddy to tell him I was in labour and beyond excited to meet you. The first granddaughter in our family was arriving and everyone was elated. As long as I live your birthday will continue to be sacred and I hope that your message of grounding love, togetherness and peace helps anyone who might need it. So today we will close our eyes, take a deep breath and think of your life and spirit to help us to cope, navigate and appreciate this extraordinary journey we are all on together.

Just after I wrote this message to you this morning I received an email from a family thanking us for the sheepskin we donate to newly diagnosed families through Families of SMA Canada care packages. The family shared their gratitude and said that their little boy is feeling comfortable and cozy on his new sheepskin and is also enjoying holding your card with your picture on it. It is no coincidence that I opened the email from this special family today. Emersyn you continue to amaze us with your gifts that continue to help others and us when we need it most. Thank-you to this special family and their sweet boy for reaching out to us and sharing your beautiful pictures we are so grateful. Thank-you for letting us share your pictures on Emersyn's special day it means the world to us.

This song is for you Emersyn on your 11th birthday we love you and miss you always. Thank-you to all of our family and friends who continue to help us carry Emersyn's legacy. We are eternally grateful for all of your love and support.

Mom, Dad,Isla and Callum xoxoxoxoxo

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