Parenting from the beyond is what bereaved parents struggle to do after the loss of our children. We cannot watch our child take their first steps, open report cards, clap at dance recitals, cheer at soccer games or see them graduate. A person who lives a full and long life has a life time to create their own kind of unique Significance. We as parents need to marvel with pride as our children learn, grow and mature right before our eyes. We don’t need to announce to the world all of their amazing accomplishments as they are doing it for themselves and how proud we feel to be their parents! We as parents can let our children tell the story of their own Significance.
However, for us bereaved parents our children can no longer create Significance on their own, we bereaved parents have been given the new task of being the “Keepers of Significance”. As Emersyn’s mom I need to make sure that she is understood, appreciated, honoured and remembered by others. Not just on the day of her funeral or on special occasions but every day I need to know she is and always will be a part of this world interwoven into the fabric of who I am. Parents drop their children off at school and wonder and hope that their children are ok. Jason and I feel like we dropped Emersyn off at daycare 212 days ago and we have no idea if she is ok.
Simply thinking that her life will be remembered is not enough for us as parents. We have a desperate need to parent from the beyond and ensure that she is and always will be Significant. It matters that people talk about her, it matters that people say her name even 100 years from now, it matters that she was here and when her name is spoken it brings our child’s legacy to life and what a gift that is. As Emersyn’s mom it is my basic need to know that Emersyn was, is and always will be Significant.
I had another bereaved parent say to me recently that if the physical reflected the emotional right now they would be in the ICU. We can only relate to that feeling all too well.
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